Many moons ago, I tried to convince my husband (in a conversation on Whatsapp) that we needed to live with his family, when I returned to India. Finances were tight, we needed more clients and we weren’t getting them, and as much discomfort as it caused me to follow certain traditions and formalities, it was less lonely than living in Delhi. I was looking forward to more than one set of hands, helping me with Baby N, to say the least. Nonetheless, he wasn’t thrilled about it – even if I felt it was the best option for us.
We’ve been here over a month, and so much has happened already. Let me explain…
Naturally, everyone asks our daughter’s name. Some ask, “Does she have an American name or an Indian name?” Some, who are more privy to the ways of Indian family tradition, ask, “Did you choose her name, or did his family choose her name?”
The journey I’ve been on is unlike any other I have faced. I could never have known what it would be like, no matter how much I read and prepared. I was (and still am) filled to the brim with love, and yet, I was thrust into the darkest depths of postpartum anxiety and depression. But that story is for another time. These five months have been a glorious adventure full of love and bonding.
Last week, life changed. A bright shining star blessed my universe. I was already happy. I didn’t realize I could be happier. I already knew love, but I never knew love could be so deep and perfect.
Health care could be improved upon, in the United States, no doubt. But there is one aspect of our health care I am extremely grateful for…
A conversation took place a while ago, between me and my husband. He asked me what classes I could take to help me get a career in writing. I told him I didn’t want a career in writing. Maybe that’s not true. The truth is, I don’t want to make a career out of writing for other people – things I have no interest in. That doesn’t give me any passion at all.
It’s happening in New Delhi, and maybe soon, other parts of India will follow suit. Digital marriage certificates are being issued. A digital marriage certificate has an abundance of benefits… Except if you are not an Indian citizen and your spouse is. I don’t know about other countries, but the U.S. does not accept digital marriage certificates.
I have decided not to continue the previous story of my journey home, and keep my feelings on that experience very private. In summary, it was hard. As I crossed the globe, my mission became easier, but the sadness was still present. I was lucky, in a way, as I found a lot of adventure along the way. My flight was suddenly changed and I went on to Hong Kong.
Weeks before leaving, I had to say goodbye to some of my husband’s family. It was hard… But nothing prepared me for saying goodbye to my husband and in-laws. I held myself together, not to appear strong, but to convince myself that I really did have the strength to go through with what I knew to be the best choice… Despite it being the hardest choice.
When we parted ways, I turned many times to wave, my mind swimming with thoughts of abandoning my flight and running back into my husband’s arms. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but it’s exactly what my heart wanted to do.