Returning To My Husband’s Home For the First Time

Returning To My Husband’s Home For the First Time

So we went to Jhansi for Raksha Bandhan and my nephew’s first birthday – ironically on the same day as Lord Krishna’s birthday. At first, it was okay.

Take a look at this exerpt from my journal:

Returning home to my husband’s family’s house was great. I was growing increasingly nervous on the train ride home. When we approached the house, my husband was quick to go inside. I remained outside, with who I presume is his cousin, cooing at baby Om. When I tried to enter, his cousin told me to wait, with a serious face. I was confused. I saw his mom approaching, and she waved a jar of water in circles around me. This is supposedly to get rid of any evil energy that had attached to me. Was I supposed to touch her feet then, outside? I wasn’t sure, so I started walking inside, a more appropriate place to greet one another.
When we entered his sister in law and baby Om were smiling and waiting. Baby Om started laughing, he was so excited.

My husband instructed me to touch his mom’s feet, which I was happy to, and did, but she did not smile or seem as happy as she used to. I felt bummed out. Maybe she was unhappy with me, or I did not touch her feet quickly enough. I’m still not confident enough to do it on my own, or without knowing when to. I need guidance like a child.
The rest of the day went by fine. After eating, which his sister in law insisted I do, I washed my face and feet, and came to the room I always stay in (his brother’s room) and took a nap. I had chai upon waking, and bounced between working on my ebook and playing with the children. At dinner time, I was treated like a guest, and after eating, a cousin sister and another female guest did my mehendi. I went to bed shortly after that.

By the second day I began to lose confidence, and a few days after that, I began to feel frustrated.

Home is a place where my husband can relax and feel free, but it’s not quite a vacation for me. I can’t really leave the home, unless we are going to a family member’s house on invitation (or the one time we went to the house under construction together) and because of that, anxiety can build quickly. I am expected to have a specific morning routine at my husband’s home, I can’t do things as I would in my own home. Also, there’s simply no opportunity to work. Every time I settle in and start working, someone calls me. A week and a half of not working is not acceptable when you are living paycheck to paycheck.

When we went to visit my adopted Indian family’s home, I thought I would be able to feel as relaxed as my husband did in his own home. But actually, it was the same as any invitation. It was nice not to have to cover my head in front of my own family,  but genders still separated into their own groups and I couldn’t convince him to stay with me. I found myself stuck in a room full of women, yet again, trying to understand their Hindi conversation.

The whole experience at home was good over all, and despite the few frustrating moments, there were a lot of loving moments. Such as the time Mummy brought me dinner and sweets, or the time Babu (my father-in-law) called me “Bahu” (daughter-in-law) for the first time. It felt so loving!
I also really enjoyed serving everyone dinner for the first time, at our Krishna Janmashtami (and Baby Om’s birthday) feast! Even if I was nervous… I enjoy taking the time to get to know my husband’s family. We can communicate without words, mostly, and I am always eager to help and learn.

Well anyway, I look forward to my time at home, but I hope to find a sense of balance before returning.


10 thoughts on “Returning To My Husband’s Home For the First Time

  1. Interesting to read as I am in this situation for a long run. Matalab, living with in-laws in a small town at the other end of UP. Don’t worry about looks that MIL’s give. Save troubles for yourself. I have been upset about that so often, that I am starting to getting immune to it. Haha. I have to touch in-laws feet every morning and reaction is different all the time depending on the mood.


    1. Wow Agate! Every morning!?
      Its so lovely how diverse culture is, family to family. ♥
      I’m learning when to touch feet, but the only time I touch in-laws feet is whenever I have just returned to their home and when I leave. Unless they give me a gift, and then at that time.

      So you must be living in their home permanently? Bless you. ♥ No one understands how truly challenging and rewarding that can be.
      My husband and I are staying in Delhi. As much as he wants to live with his family, he enjoys living alone. No one understands that his work (freelance programming) is real work. They see him on the computer and think he’s free, so they give him a few tasks and he never gets work done. lol poor guy. 🙂
      So needless to say, we will probably continue to live alone to build our lives, and just go home as much as possible.


      1. Yeah, every morning. At the beginning I found it very uncomfortable to do so I did it as rare as possible. Then my husband asked if I can touch Ammas feet every morning and I agreed and then my MIL got kind of jealous so I just touch their feet every morning. My MIL touches Ammas (her MIL’s) feet every morning as well. Other than that I don’t see anyone else doing it. Often I feel like I am made into a more proper Indian than Indians themselves are…
        I would give a lot to move to Delhi or just outside of family house. We are working towards that, but meanwhile there is a lot of confusion. It’s never easy living with anyone but your family (and even that is challenging sometimes). Doesn’t matter who it is really.
        Hope to meet you in Delhi one day. We are not that far 🙂


  2. I can understand that feeling of being Freelancer or Computer Engineer.. as it is difficult to tell people what you exactly do .. ha ha ha 🙂 I am happy that day by day you are liking the culture and enjoying it … 🙂


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