Forging Happiness

Forging Happiness

In these times, when our financial situation has not improved, our mental health suffers greatly. Despite my best efforts to find another writing job, and placing dozens of online applications, I have had no luck. My husband still works day and night, Monday through Saturday, with little return. He barely earns enough money for our rent. He still searches for other clients, and meanwhile, builds his own website tirelessly, hoping that his dream will bring our success.

While we have had arguments due to overworked, overstressed minds, it seemed to have brought us closer this past week or so. Despite our mutual depression, we have taken shelter in each other’s presence. We’re vibrating at the same frequency.

Today, simultaneously, we both felt a sharp pang of despair. He was working in the next room, and I was laying down nursing a headache. Neither of us verbally communicated what we had felt, right away – but suddenly he came to me. He lay down next to me, sighing. After a few minutes of silence, he asked me, “What is our destiny..?”

I asked him if he was feeling bad, and when he said yes, I told him I had been feeling the same. I began telling him our story, our future story, yet to be written. Conversation roused thereafter, and ended in smiles and laughter, and that was enough. To see my husband smile, and to laugh with him was enough.
We got up and went on with our evening.

As soon as I started to think about our problems, he would find a way to make me laugh instead. If he noticed my expression change, he would say, “Don’t think about it.”

The more I thought about it all, the more my head hurt. I had been struggling to find meaning in our daily routine, to be stress-free when we hardly have money to buy food, let alone go anywhere. I leave the house maybe once every two weeks. Partially due to depression, but mostly because we have no money to go anywhere. Not even for the metro. We are at our lowest, right now.

Meanwhile, my husband, as stressed as I am, is giving me a shoulder to lean on. And because of him, I realized just how hard we are working to give meaning to our life, despite our greatest obstacle. In these difficult times, we have only each other – and I’ve discovered that this is our greatest strength. Our greatest gift. When we have nothing, we still have everything. We are hand-in-hand, forging our own happiness. He is my hero.

But this does not trivialize our struggles… It simply makes the journey through them a little more endurable.

Featured image by Mathias Miranda via Flickr.com

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13 thoughts on “Forging Happiness

  1. Hello lovely,

    I barely know you but I would love to say to you: it will all work out. I was in a similar situation after I married my husband and followed him to his duty station. I had left everything I knew. For this man. We struggled so much, day in and day out. And our relationship suffered due to this. But we made it through. There were some night I sobbed so hard that I became sick. But just like yours, my husband did his best to put a smile on my face. I learned through my husband that everything works out. I’ve followed your writing for a bit and it never fails to make me smile at least once. You guys are adorable. Keep the faith 🙂

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Heather. That really does sound tough. I’m so glad you shared your story with me. ♥
      We do our best to keep the faith, and thank you for the lovely reminder. It’s very comforting knowing that, at the very least, others can relate. That’s why I write. 🙂
      I hope you come by again. ~

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  2. A www I know the feeling, in our early days we weren’t earning much. Hang in there, it does get better with time.
    For as long as I can remember I always have been a firm believer in positive thinking and goal visualisation. It’s hard to see the big picture in a time of stress, but trust me it helps. A book that can help tremendously is “The Power” by Rondha Byrne (The lady who wrote “The secret”). keeping a gratitude diary is also something super helpful. Whenever I feel a bit low, I list all the things I am grateful about, and all the things that I love. It could be as simple as writing “I love the smell of rain”or I love my cup of tea. As long as the diary doesn’t contain anything but positives, no negatives allowed in it.

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    1. That’s a brilliant idea, Cyn! Actually, I love Rhonda Byrne! I am very goal oriented. But it’s hard to make goals when you know you can’t progress without income. I used to make little goals for my daily life and housekeeping but, after time, I struggled to find meaning in my daily routine. The gratitude diary sounds like an amazing idea. I really will give that a try!
      I guess the reason I get so stressed is that I know my husband can’t do all the work earning money, he really needs my help. So I’ve gone through a bit of a change. From housewife who focuses on writing as her passion, to housewife who divides her time between cooking /cleaning and working/applying for jobs. It’s a bit overwhelming, but he does help out more than he used to.

      We will find balance. But thank you for your words and inspiration. ♥

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      1. Then, look at it this way. The act of worrying about finances and feeling bad because of it is what would be considered negative energy. As Rondha Byrne said so well what you project is what you get in return. The more you project sadness about the money situation the more it will come back haunting you. To break the circle just visualise yourself being financially stable and loving it and let that feeling of happiness flood you. You don’t know when, you don’t know how, but you know with certainty that this WILL happen. This is usually how I go when I am tensed about anything. I forget the petty details, and focus on the big picture, as vague as it might seem. If you project financial stability from inside, you will get financial stability. things will start falling into place from the moment you start projecting, opportunities will trickle in.

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  3. Have you ever watched the process of making candy canes?
    Its kinda like life.
    Everythings calm and neat as ingredients are added and as time goes on you get a little color added to add to the beauty of things. Then once everything’s together and melted all nice and neat, its DUMPED, FLIPPED, FOLDED, SMASHED, ROLLED, BRAIDED, CUT AND BENT.. Then in the end this little candy made by the hundreds/thousands is wrapped and added to a small box of a dozen and sent away to do who knows what.

    Everyones life when married takes a similar course maybe not all to the same extreme but fact is you have to get through all these crazy roller coaster life tests to end up in the box next to all the other average married people some day. :3

    PS strangers reading this may think i am crazy but she knows what i am saying :3 Shes probably laughing. Then laughed more because I said she was laughing when she was laughing. ❤

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    1. Dude, you are spot on. Firstly, I was laughing, and then harder when you mentioned you knew I would be laughing.
      It brings me joy that you compare life to the creation of a candy cane.
      And you analogy is right, its not easy. We all go through hell before things settle down. ♥

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  4. Stay strong! Things will not always be this bad – here are some suggestions for you to get some extra money:

    Advertise as tutor for local kids – yes I know it is not a career choice but you can easily teach English and I am guessing basic maths etc. It will not only give you a little money but will be a rewarding experience and hanging out with little people is a good way to beat depression – their endless energy and enthusiasm is inspiring and infectious. You can also offer babysitting services to other ex-pats.

    Check out Zerys and Upwork – online freelancer portals for writing work. You can do skills tests on them to earn stars on your ratings – do a couple of jobs for cheap to get your rating up further.

    Learn new skills online – all the google training etc is free – add SEO as a string to your writing bow and you will get lots more work.

    Find a BPO and look into training call centre guys in English – there are quite a few jobs there for foreigners and often good pay – again not a career choice but will be a good solution for money issues.

    Lastly, keep on doing what you are doing – writing your blog and maybe start some other writing projects – even if they never earn you any money it is cathartic and good for the soul. Sounds like you and your husband are great support for each other and I’m sure together you will make it! 🙂

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  5. PS I just remembered that, possibly, it would be a good idea to contact Christine Pemberton on Delhi Diary. I believe that she is a British journalist and is married to an Indian and might have some ideas for you as she has many contacts both in India and abroad. Net working helps they say!

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