Weeks before leaving, I had to say goodbye to some of my husband’s family. It was hard… But nothing prepared me for saying goodbye to my husband and in-laws. I held myself together, not to appear strong, but to convince myself that I really did have the strength to go through with what I knew to be the best choice… Despite it being the hardest choice.
When we parted ways, I turned many times to wave, my mind swimming with thoughts of abandoning my flight and running back into my husband’s arms. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but it’s exactly what my heart wanted to do.
I passed through the guarded doors and found my place in line.
‘It’s still possible to turn around.‘ I thought, my heart aching. ‘They’re still outside…‘
I clenched my jaw and took a sharp breath, hoping to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Anxiety began brewing in my chest. I knew I had to put myself in a position that wouldn’t allow me to turn around and walk out of the airport. I advanced in line.
‘Even if they are not outside, I know how to get home alone. This is my home…‘
I took another sharp breath, and reminded myself why this was the best choice. I touched my stomach to feel the baby kicking as usual. A deep sadness set in. I had to keep moving.
A man who worked for the airline approached me.
“Madam, our flight is over-booked. We are searching for people who are willing to take the next flight out, instead.”
He took my passport and looked at the information.
“When is the next flight?” I asked, wondering if I could score just one more night in my home.
“It actually leaves just after this flight, around 11:30 tonight.” He said, hopeful.
“Alright… If it leaves around the same time, that’s fine.”
Little did I know, this journey would take me across the other side of the world, on multiple flights. From India to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to California, and California all the way home. When they handed me my new tickets, I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to take the next flight out. There was no way to get a hold of my husband, as I left my Indian phone with him. I had no need for the SIM in the US, after all.
I remained anxious all the way through the three-hour security line, delaying most outgoing flights. When I boarded the flight, I had daydreams of running away at the last minute, and leaving the plane before they closed the door. There was nothing easy about forcing myself not to act on that desire.
When the plane took off, a deep sadness set in, in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to be together through all of this…
I will continue this story in the next post. I know it’s not joyful, but I’ve always been very honest about how I feel.
I don’t want to end on a sad note, however, so I’d like to show you our latest video.
Featured image by Erik Bishoff via Flickr.com