The Hardest Goodbye Yet

The Hardest Goodbye Yet

Weeks before leaving, I had to say goodbye to some of my husband’s family. It was hard… But nothing prepared me for saying goodbye to my husband and in-laws. I held myself together, not to appear strong, but to convince myself that I really did have the strength to go through with what I knew to be the best choice… Despite it being the hardest choice.
When we parted ways, I turned many times to wave, my mind swimming with thoughts of abandoning my flight and running back into my husband’s arms. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but it’s exactly what my heart wanted to do.

I passed through the guarded doors and found my place in line.
It’s still possible to turn around.‘ I thought, my heart aching. ‘They’re still outside…

I clenched my jaw and took a sharp breath, hoping to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Anxiety began brewing in my chest. I knew I had to put myself in a position that wouldn’t allow me to turn around and walk out of the airport. I advanced in line.

Even if they are not outside, I know how to get home alone. This is my home…

I took another sharp breath, and reminded myself why this was the best choice. I touched my stomach to feel the baby kicking as usual. A deep sadness set in. I had to keep moving.

A man who worked for the airline approached me.
“Madam, our flight is over-booked. We are searching for people who are willing to take the next flight out, instead.”

He took my passport and looked at the information.

“When is the next flight?” I asked, wondering if I could score just one more night in my home.

“It actually leaves just after this flight, around 11:30 tonight.” He said, hopeful.

“Alright… If it leaves around the same time, that’s fine.”

Little did I know, this journey would take me across the other side of the world, on multiple flights. From India to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to California, and California all the way home. When they handed me my new tickets, I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to take the next flight out. There was no way to get a hold of my husband, as I left my Indian phone with him. I had no need for the SIM in the US, after all.

I remained anxious all the way through the three-hour security line, delaying most outgoing flights. When I boarded the flight, I had daydreams of running away at the last minute, and leaving the plane before they closed the door. There was nothing easy about forcing myself not to act on that desire.

When the plane took off, a deep sadness set in, in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to be together through all of this…


I will continue this story in the next post. I know it’s not joyful, but I’ve always been very honest about how I feel.

I don’t want to end on a sad note, however, so I’d like to show you our latest video.

Featured image by Erik Bishoff via Flickr.com

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “The Hardest Goodbye Yet

  1. *sniff*
    I know it’s not easy. I just hope the time passes quickly, but that you enjoy the pregnancy, despite the sadness. I hope life fills you with many other joys to not cover up missing your home and husband, but to at least take the edge off, and make happy hormones course through your body. I know we can keep busy going through stuff and oh, the many appointments! I can’t wait until he comes to visit, to make you whole again, and so the rest of the family can finally meet him. Hang in there, I am here to help you through this as best I can.
    xoxo ~ Mom

    Like

  2. It’s always hard to say goodbye, but rest assured that it’ll be great going back home. That’s the problem with being with a person who isn’t from your country, your heart will always be divided. But all we need to do is enjoy every little moment we can share with our loved ones and know that we will see them again soon enough.

    Like

  3. Sending hugs and strength to you! I’m not allowed to cry in the airport on strict instructions from my partner (he thinks it is bad luck) but I always do after the plane takes off. I have been through so many of these goodbyes now and it never gets any easier. However, the reunions make it all worth it and while you will miss each other loads you can turn it around in your head into a positive and bonding experience. Soon you will have a beautiful little baby in your arms and you will forget about all these sad feelings! xx

    Like

  4. @crystal

    cheer up. good luck to you to u and your bundle of joy.

    so according to your story you me your husband on Facebook and then came all the way to India to meet him. sounds scary to me very scary.

    Like

    1. I met him on facebook four years before we ever met. And we were friends for a long time. 🙂
      We developed feelings after many years.
      I know some people may be afraid of that, and may not understand it.

      Like

      1. these are the auspicious days of navratras dedicated to goddess durga. may the goddess bless u with strength.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s