A conversation took place a while ago, between me and my husband. He asked me what classes I could take to help me get a career in writing. I told him I didn’t want a career in writing. Maybe that’s not true. The truth is, I don’t want to make a career out of writing for other people – things I have no interest in. That doesn’t give me any passion at all.
I have decided not to continue the previous story of my journey home, and keep my feelings on that experience very private. In summary, it was hard. As I crossed the globe, my mission became easier, but the sadness was still present. I was lucky, in a way, as I found a lot of adventure along the way. My flight was suddenly changed and I went on to Hong Kong.
Weeks before leaving, I had to say goodbye to some of my husband’s family. It was hard… But nothing prepared me for saying goodbye to my husband and in-laws. I held myself together, not to appear strong, but to convince myself that I really did have the strength to go through with what I knew to be the best choice… Despite it being the hardest choice.
When we parted ways, I turned many times to wave, my mind swimming with thoughts of abandoning my flight and running back into my husband’s arms. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but it’s exactly what my heart wanted to do.
My brother-in-law and his beautiful family came to stay with us for a few days. As exhausting as it was to keep up with the little ones, I really couldn’t be happier with the entire experience. As I mentioned a while ago in “Home is Calling Me” – I’ll be leaving for America soon. While I have quite a bit to look forward to, it’s still extremely difficult to say goodbye to my loved ones here. What a blessing! I love their son, their brother, their nephew, my husband DN, and because of that, they took me into their family. We may have difficulty communicating sometimes, but love needs no translations.
DN and I were both grumpy this morning… But surprisingly, things turned around really quickly!
It was such a beautiful day outside! When DN left for work, I opened the curtains, let the light shine in, and recorded a new video. I was so inspired by the nice weather, I started checking things off of my cleaning to-do list! I swept the balcony that had layers and layers of sandy dust. It took some time, but it’s looking as good as new now.
For the past week or so, my mornings have been spent waking up with DN and helping him get ready for work. He usually wakes up before me to heat water for a quick bath. At this point, he sometimes goes to the shop to pick up a fresh packet of milk and bread. He wakes me up with a plate of toast, and sometimes a mug of warm, sweet milk to accompany it. While he is getting ready, I cook him a little something to take to work for lunch. The menu varies, but today it was lachcha paratha – I’m amazed with this discovery, by the way.
I have had a lot of time lately to absorb many viewpoints on cultural appropriation, and reflect on them. So much has happened in our world, in these short few months. Life has seemed to carry me in the direction I wanted to be going, with little effort from me. Much like the current of a river. While I am happy good things are happening, I realize now is the best time to prepare a safe cushion to land on, for when the good things go bad. I’m not afraid to express my true experiences and emotions, in good an bad times. Perhaps that makes me more negative than I used to be, or to some, intolerable. The thing is… Honesty is the most raw form of my trust that I can offer you. Some days, my life and this blending of cultures is extremely rewarding, and some days, it’s not.
It’s shocking how many times we have to face this question, and how many different ways it is asked, by people who both mean well and people who do not. The fact that I have chosen India as the place I would like to be, just blows people’s minds. Whether they are Indian, American, or otherwise. Not to mention the fact that my husband is just as interested in staying in India. No one can fathom why.
It’s been a busy month! So much has happened since Christmas. Very monumental things started changing. It’s possible DN has found a job here in Delhi, and because of that, we might be staying. My husband wasn’t too keen on returning home to Jhansi in the first place, so maybe it was meant to be.